First, I got dizzy...quickly. I was making gestures at Allen to ask him if I should exhale. I got dizzier. Everything around me began to morph into this clear, crisp, detailed CGI. It was like watching the most perfect 3D video game. Allen stood with his hands on his hips smiling. He looked normal, but everything else; the contrast of light and dark was greater and the colors were vivid. I remember saying "Wait a minute." trying to figure out what was happening. I couldn't understand what I should be doing in this "new world" so I stood still. Allen asked if I wanted to sit down and I responded in staccato "I.Don't.Think.I.Can" because my legs wouldn't move and burned a little. I was afraid if I sat down the burning would increase. I spotted a leaf, which looked a little like a brick fragment in color and shadow. I pointed at it, tilting my head. "I.Want...To...Pick...That...Up" I said to Allen. He wasn't sure what I was talking about. He asked what I wanted to pick up. I repeated "I.Want. To. Pick. That. Up." I was pointing at it and moving in short punctuated movements. I never put my arms down. I started trying to move the leaf with my mind. I was hoping I would be able to, but couldn't. Allen was talking to me and I looked towards him and saw what looked like a mammoth partially buried in the ground with grass and vegetation grown all over it. I wasn't sure if it were a statue or a real mammoth (with tusk and head showing). I was afraid that if it were real it was going to hurt Allen so I told him not to move. Everytime he spoke or started to move I would ask him not to. Something was coming from the other direction behind me also, but I couldn't focus on both the creature underground and whatever the other thing was so I stayed focused on the elephant.
At some point, everything grew darker. These personified creatures (black with neon lights outlining their form) were moving towards me. I became deathly afraid. I started to back away. Allen was asking if I was okay and assuring me he was there. I whispered that he wanted to hurt me. I felt like I was going to cry. I didn't mean physically hurt me. I meant mentally or emotionally. Allen kept trying to reassure me that he wasn't, but it was like I knew he was going to but he didn't. I repeated it again and thought I sounded like whoopi goldberg. He said he was my friend and I responded that I didn't have any friends. Either Allen or the creatures reached out to grab me and I started freaking out, backing up. I backed up into a tree but thought it was more of them grabbing me. I started flailing trying to get away from them and Allen pulled me back.
Memory loss.
I drew a cross on the ground and said "Dear God" or "oh, my god" then didn't want to offend Allen so I rubbed it away.
I remember sitting on the ground. The light was growing from the left. I felt peaceful and the light was beautiful. I wanted to look at it. It was so bright. I raised my hand and noticed that it was glowing also. It kept glowing brighter and brighter. I closed my eyes to enjoy the warmth of the light. When I did, it got dark and started to scare me a little. I quickly opened my eyes and the sharpness of the visuals around me startled me. I remembered at that point that I had taken something and reality ever so slowly started to seep back in. It was like I knew I was in the woods, and was aware that what I was seeing wasn't exactly how things were.
I saw a spider and it kind of started to scare me. I started throwing grass or twigs at it. Allen could tell I was scared and told me that it wasn't going to hurt me...that it was my friend. I calmed down and came back another notch to reality.
I spent most of the time unable to look directly at Allen. I was afraid for different reasons at different times. Sometimes I wasn't even sure why I couldn't look at him. There was a second time that I sensed something bad behind him. I just said something was wrong with that spot and tried to gesture to a dark spot behind him.
There were people nearby and I went from being afraid they were going to see me in that state to being afraid they were going to shoot us. I told Allen that I would try to take the bullets for him but couldn't guarantee they wouldn't go through me.
I remember wanted to make contact with my mom, through the light...but I knew I couldn't.
Everytime I thought I was close to being back to reality, I would go through this shock of realizing where I was. I told Allen I was trying to get back. I was desperate to get back because I didn't like being out of control, was worried about Allen having to take care of me. I think I asked him if the kids were okay and if Bud was okay. I asked if he was okay. He said everyone was okay.
I kept slamming back into different levels of reality (and it actually felt like I was hitting the ground, falling through each level), getting closer and closer to being myself. There was a moment I felt like I needed to run or to grab on to the world before I got pulled further away. I think this was just before I rolled over and laid face down for just a little bit. The world started looking more tangible and real.
At some point, Allen put headphones on me and played Fleetwood Mac for me. I enjoyed it but it felt like it was suffocating me. There was a moment I relaxed and enjoyed the music. During the beginning of the song "Everywhere" I could see and was trying to mimic with my hands these bright sparkles.
I took my sunglasses off and on a few times, though I don't remember why.
Allen got me paper and a pencil and I wrote "reality" then I felt like I was making some sort of plan and felt very authoritive. I was trying to explain things and fill Allen in on the plan. I wrote "Here's your dead tv" and Allen called me a dork, which got me off track and I started to write dork. Then I wrote "Mork and Mindy" which made me think of aliens. I thought I sounded like a reporter from an old 40's black and white movie, but Allen said I sounded normal.
I got very silly. I remember being thirsty but thought we were out of water. So I asked for a carrot but my hands were dirty so I asked Allen (who's hands were also dirty) to get a carrot for me. I was kind of on all fours and couldn't take the carrot and didn't want anyone to see him feeding me so I asked him to place it on my backpack, where I proceeded to eat it like a dog.
Allen asked me a question and I answered it (maybe he asked if I knew where I was). I responded that we were at Roman Nose and felt the world coming back to me. It was still a fight to feel grounded. I requested that he keep asking me questions because it was making me feel like I was coming back. He asked the pet's names. I couldn't think of the rabbit's name so I repeated "Lucy's" name.
There was a point he said we needed to leave and I all of a sudden felt certain. So I hopped up and started grabbing things. I said something like "Follow me and we'll make it out of this" or "I know which way to go" but I knew I didn't. To avoid embarrassment, I just took off in a random direction...into some branches. I finally let him lead the way out. I began to sober up fairly quickly, feeling bad that Allen had to watch me, worried that he was upset (he seemed upset). The more we hiked, the worse I felt. Every 30 seconds to a minute, I felt a little unsettled...but for the most part I was back.
